TEN WARDROBE MUST-HAVES
Flattering underwear (if you call a dozen brief with rips and a few stains flattering I'm in)
Three black T-shirts, three new white T-shirts ( No black T-shirts as for the white one see underwear)
Two different pairs of flattering jeans (See under wear except in denim)
One dark suit (Yes, I have one)
One leather or suede short coat (not a bomber jacket) ( Nope)
Two rollneck or crewneck cable-knit sweaters (Neck is 19" and red so I wouldn't even consider it)
Two pairs of dark, straightleg, non-pleated trousers (IS green dark, then I'm in)
Three well-cut, solid-colour, button-down shirts (one white) (Yes)
Quality sunglasses (Is $2.50 quality)
One expensive watch, one sportswatch (One sportswatch)
THE CONFIDENT METROSEXUAL ALWAYS . . .
Puts others at ease (Not my job)
Takes responsibility for his actions (What does this have to do with being 3/4 queer?)
Is aware of his sexuality (yes, grunt)
Enjoys looking his best (Enjoys? Yuck, yuck, yuck)
Flirts subtly ( Does hey honey do you feel like getting lucky this morning qualify)
Accepts flattery (Does this mean I don't gush if some one says something nice. I guess I qualify)
Is open to spontaneity (This can only mean he giggles like a school girl, not me)
Never loses control (What does this have to do with being 3/4 queer?)
Tells the truth (What does this have to do with being 3/4 queer?)
Is able to laugh at himself (What does this have to do with being 3/4 queer?)
It not looking good for me. What's a heterosexual going to do in the brave new world of girly men?
I dunno...beat 'em all up and take the wussies' lunch money?
Enjoy a celibate lifestyle? (I say, that's a joke, son, a joke).
Crush your enemies
See them driven before you
And hear their lamentations of their women.
Works for me anyway .....