Skip to comments.Kerry's Political-and Life-Goal:To Become Kennedy
Posted on 01/28/2004 8:24:51 PM PST by Redcoat LI
Kerry's political - and life - goal: To become Kennedy By Howie Carr Recent Columns by Howie Carr Sunday, January 25, 2004
John Kerry is Ted Kennedy on the Atkins diet.
It took a few days, but the Republicans have figured out their line of attack on Gigolo John.
Liveshot Kerry has always slavishly aped all things Kennedy, and it goes way beyond his Senate voting record. Teddy bought himself a convertible, Liveshot ditto. They both share a deep respect for motor-vehicle laws - Teddy drove with a suspended license, Liveshot couldn't be bothered with getting a Massachusetts inspection sticker for seven years.
They both love the sea - Kaptain Ketchup goes windsurfing, Teddy prefers Oldsmobile-surfing.
They both made their money the old-fashioned way. Teddy inherited his; John married his, twice.
But what is it with these ultra-liberal Democratic politicians and the Kennedys? Just like Liveshot, Bill Clinton had the same fixation with JFK, and it twisted his judgment just as badly. He thought Monica Lewinsky was his Marilyn Monroe.
With Kerry it goes even deeper. He has the same good hair, the same state, the same religion (sometimes) and the same initials as JFK, so he endlessly practiced his signature until it became an identical copy of Jack Kennedy's. After prep school and an Ivy League degree, he joined the Navy and piloted the Vietnam War equivalent of PT 109.
These are different times, of course. JFK vowed to remove the Berlin Wall. Liveshot vowed to remove the fire hydrant in front of his wife's palace on Beacon Hill.
As for Ted Kennedy, the runt of the litter, the differences between him and Kerry become obvious as they campaign together. If you made a TV show about Kerry, it would have to be ``Gilligan's Island,'' and he would be Thurston Howell III. If you made a TV show about Teddy, it would have to be ``My Big Fat Obnoxious Senior Senator.''
They both enjoy music. Kerry plays the acoustic guitar, Teddy prefers karaoke bars, or any bar, for that matter, preferably an open bar. Liveshot's favorite song is ``First I Look at the Purse.'' Teddy's is ``Bridge Over Troubled Waters.''
Good Lord, a month ago whoever would have thought that we'd still be kicking Liveshot around? But then Howard Dean exploded, and the only one who can possibly stop him now is John Edwards. And if John Kerry is Bill Clinton with a war record, which he is, then John Edwards is Bill Clinton chasing an ambulance.
What a choice. What a ticket Kerry-Edwards might be. It could be trouble for Liveshot's fellow Skull and Bonesman, George W. Bush.
As for Howard Dean, I knew he was in trouble when he fell behind in the tracking polls. I knew he was in deep trouble when he agreed to go on my radio show Friday.
What a difference a week makes. A week ago Friday he blows off a pompous New York Times columnist for a five-minute interview - five minutes. Now he's on my show, and he's such an agreeable fellow that at the end he does an unsolicited promo for my station in Burlington, Vt., WVMT, right down to the frequency and call letters and describing everyone there as ``good guys.''
Dammit, Doctor, why didn't you doff the white hat two weeks earlier? You could have saved all of us Kerry-watchers here in Massachusetts a lot of aggravation.
( Howie Carr's radio show can be heard every weekday afternoon on WRKO-AM 680, WHYN-AM 560, WGAN -AM 560, WEIM-AM 1280, and WXTK 95.1 FM. )
Ah, no. Kerry has Patricia Schroeder hair, which is NOT a good thing.
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