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The Fortnight Before Christmas - a poem against anti-Christmas nuts
Kentucky Kernel ^ | 12/7/04 | Stephen Burnett

Posted on 12/07/2004 7:51:14 AM PST by DaveLoneRanger

'Twas a fortnight before Christmas, and all through the land, several creatures were stirring - they were all in a band

Of lawyers and writers, and bitter old men, All talking and yelling. (They made quite a din.)

They don't like the season, they don't like its name, And with no other reason, their courses they came.

More rapid than eagles, to my house they came creeping And settled outside, with their cell phones a-beeping.

Inside, we'd hung stockings by the chimney with care, In hopes we could forget all the troubles out there.

The kitchen was filled with the smells of desserts With no spiders crawling up the Christmas tree skirts.

And I in my thick coat, the others also wrapped Were opening the front door, about to fall in their trap.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear, But a squadron of secularists, with cell phones and sneers.

With an ugly old leader, so weaselly and quick, I knew in a moment he was up to old tricks.

The beard of his chin was all pointy and gray, He patted his briefcase, and then he did say:

"Now hearken, ye celebrants, and pay me your heed - "Where d'ya think you are going?" he went on with screed.

"Evening church service," I said, "and to sing later on. "Now please let us pass. You are crowding the lawn."

With a narrowing of eyes, and a shaking of head, He then let me know I had something to dread.

"Your church is for losers, you intolerant bigot. "Make way for our lawsuits. We've opened the spigot.

"We're suing courthouses and we're suing your church." He went into his litany; I went into a lurch.

"Your Nativity and symbols we will demonstrate "Are crossing the 'wall between church and the state.'

"All of public property is government-made, "Don't use it for 'Christmas.' Don't march in our parade.

"You must be more tolerant; all religions have wealth, except of course, yours - you'll keep that to yourself.

"Now go back inside for your long winter's nap. "Do your 'Christmas' thing privately, while we do our crap.

"You have tried to laugh at us, you've tried to ignore. "Said we're just on TV - now we're at your front door!

"We don't like your 'Christmas' and we don't like your faith. "How do you like that?" Then he smirked like a wraith.

A smart-mouthed retort I bit back with a flash. 'Cause his sneering head I so wanted to smash.

I spoke not a word, but my brain went to work, And I tried to ignore terms like "you moron" and "jerk."

Then as dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly - When you're met with an obstacle, pray toward the sky.

And then, like the moon on the new-fallen snow, My heart shone with old truths that I used to know.

"In the beginning, our God did create, "He's Creator and Savior - yes, something you hate.

"We all have sin natures, and that's why He came, "To save us from darkness, from sin and its shame.

"He was born in a manger, in Bethlehem town." (At this point the lawyer man's smirk turned to frown.)

"We celebrate Christmas because of that birth." Then he snickered once more; I was causing him mirth.

I continued to tell him, "This season's for all. "If you say we don't count, you've considerable gall.

"You may call me intolerant, but all you are fools - "That is what the Bible says. And you've got no rules!

"Your 'principles' are simply moral relativism, "And you're ripping this nation apart with that schism.

"You act like you treasure our country so dear; "It was founded by Christians. Put that in your sneer.

"And this 'separation' thing with which you have fun - "It's from a letter by Jefferson in 1801!

"And he never meant for you to use it like this. "Tom Jefferson endorsed God; that's something you miss.

"And you've kept on establishing your own state religion "Of Godless humanism - you're driving its engine!

"If you can show your faith, then I'll show mine too. "(I'd be glad now to tell you about which one is true.)

"With your logic in shambles, how will you argue? "And who's really 'bigoted,' when you'll only sue?"

He glared at me fiercely; his blood pressure rose. His quivering fist almost shot up to my nose.

I laughed as I watched him, in spite of my dread, Then I told him some more truths that needed be said.

"This story's original, but the battle is old, "I won't say clichés like 'your heart's really gold.'

"And I don't think I'll tell you I know your good soul "Because inside I fear it is dark as the coal.

"And I won't say you're this way 'cause when you were eight, "You never got presents. That's really clichéd!

"Now get off my lawn, you winter poltergeist. "This season's not about you - it's love, peace, and Christ."

Then I heard them scream out as they skulked out of sight, "We'll be back here next year, and continue this fight!"

Then I shook my head, smiling, and sighed out a fog. "I hope you'll soon see that I'm right and you're wrong.

"While you're plotting and assembling all your legal might - "Merry Christmas to you all ... and I hope you find Light." ----

Lovely!


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: antichristmas; christmas; kykernel; stephenburnett
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1 posted on 12/07/2004 7:51:14 AM PST by DaveLoneRanger
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Bump for later


2 posted on 12/07/2004 7:56:14 AM PST by jboot (Faith is not a work)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

Bravo! Well done.


3 posted on 12/07/2004 8:03:31 AM PST by JOAT
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To: DaveLoneRanger

That was cool! Great way to start off my day. Thanks for posting it!


4 posted on 12/07/2004 8:05:22 AM PST by derllak
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To: DaveLoneRanger

I am constantly surprised by the Kentucky Kernel. It looks like they have an exceptional editorial board for a college campus. Makes me proud to be an alum.


5 posted on 12/07/2004 8:08:06 AM PST by MKM1960
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To: jan in Colorado

Anti-idiotorian PING ;o)


6 posted on 12/07/2004 8:10:53 AM PST by USF (I see your Jihad and raise you a Crusade )
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To: DaveLoneRanger

I'm not much of a "turn the other cheek" Christian. I would have simply told them to leave and then gotten my gun.


7 posted on 12/07/2004 8:17:37 AM PST by Blood of Tyrants (God is not a Republican. But Satan is definitely a Democrat.)
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To: derllak
Hey, thanks for replies, all.

Actually the Kernel edit board frequently endorses Liberals. But the daily columns are wonderfully independent and diverse -- the Opinions page is very balanced.

What was your major at UK and when, derllak?

Column archive available at www.comvein.net/columns/index.htm.

Com off!

- Dr. Ransom

8 posted on 12/07/2004 9:07:21 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: USF

Hey, thanks for the ping.

A funny, but sad reality to what has happened to Christmas with PC.


9 posted on 12/07/2004 10:25:58 AM PST by jan in Colorado
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To: DoctorRansom

The two letters from the complaining sophomores (I think it was either yesterday or Monday) made me question what some people are learning here.


10 posted on 12/07/2004 10:28:28 AM PST by LanPB01
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To: USF; jan in Colorado
Hello once more.

"what has happened to Christmas with PC"

Not just PC, I would add, USF; mostly Christophobic legal militantism!

Jan, those two letters were insane, were they not? They were in response to Josh Sullivan's kick-butt column on Friday, Dec. 3, regarding "embedded reporters" engendering embittered troops.

Great to know folks are reading the Kernel. I'm curious as to how you get it -- do you keep up on the website or do you live within the distribution area?

Com off,

- Dr. Ransom
www.ComVein.net

11 posted on 12/07/2004 11:02:44 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: All
FYI,

DoctorRansom = Stephen Burnett, author!

Over and out again,
- Dr. Ransom

www.ComVein.net

12 posted on 12/07/2004 11:14:10 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: DoctorRansom
Christophobic legal militantism!

LOL! Great work, and thanks. I have not been following the Kernel, but if this is the kind of work you have up there, I'll be sure to go check out the columns later.

13 posted on 12/07/2004 11:29:53 AM PST by USF (I see your Jihad and raise you a Crusade )
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To: USF

I have to admit, it's usually good only when this guy writes for it. But I must confess a slight bias......

I like your signature! *Chuckles*


14 posted on 12/07/2004 12:09:58 PM PST by DaveLoneRanger (Knight of Gondor)
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To: USF; DaveLoneRanger
You can't get more un-P.C. than by putting "jihad" and "Crusade" in the same sentence. Note that only Crusade is capitalized. Heh, heh, heh.

Hello, Knight!

- Dr. Ransom

www.ComVein.net

15 posted on 12/07/2004 12:32:21 PM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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To: DoctorRansom
That's pretty good, Doc; I just violated your copyright all to hell in sending it out via E-Mail to a bunch of friends and family members! Before Wed. it'll be all over the internet!

Chris...*OOPS*... HOLIDAY salutation of the Liberal;

*BAH*!!!; HUMBUG!!!"

16 posted on 12/07/2004 5:44:13 PM PST by Uncle Jaque (Vigilance!)
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To: DoctorRansom

Thank you for identifying yourself as the author of this great poem.

I have not ever read "The Kernel", I just read this poem posted by DaveLoneRanger.


Good job Dr. Ransom


17 posted on 12/07/2004 5:46:22 PM PST by jan in Colorado (Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas...anyone offended?)
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To: DaveLoneRanger

ping


18 posted on 12/07/2004 5:49:29 PM PST by Angry Republican (yvan eht nioj!)
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To: Boazo

I think you will really like this.


19 posted on 12/07/2004 9:23:41 PM PST by jan in Colorado (Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas...anyone offended?)
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To: jan in Colorado
Of course, Jan ... I had meant to address LanPB01 who had referred to two letters published in the Kernel Monday. Note to self: names of posters are below the message text, not above.

Over and out,

- Dr. Ransom

www.ComVein.net

20 posted on 12/08/2004 8:45:40 AM PST by DoctorRansom (journalist-in-training, neo-con artist)
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